What flowers mean, and which to think twice about.

What is the language of flowers?

The language of flowers, or floriography, gives each flower a meaning, so that a bunch of them can carry a message. It was the fashion of the 19th century in Britain, France and America, and it was written down in small, much-reprinted books. Three of the best known are Frederic Shoberl’s, published in London (we quote its 1840 edition); Henrietta Dumont’s, published in Philadelphia in 1851; and Kate Greenaway’s, of 1884, with her own drawings.

Each is a dictionary: a flower, then what it says. A rose is “Love”, a daisy “Innocence”, an iris “Message”. A few are whole sentences: in Greenaway’s book the ranunculus says “You are radiant with charms”, and the deep red carnation “Alas! for my poor heart”.

The custom has never quite gone. Florists still publish meanings, among them the Society of American Florists and, for schools, the Royal Horticultural Society. When Catherine Middleton married Prince William in 2011, the flowers in her bouquet were chosen for what they say: lily of the valley for the return of happiness, sweet William for gallantry, myrtle for marriage (Westminster Abbey).

Do the old books agree?

Often they don’t, and it is worth knowing before you choose a flower for its meaning.

• The sunflower: Greenaway’s dwarf sunflower means “Adoration” and her tall one “Haughtiness”; to Dumont and Shoberl the sunflower is “False riches”.
• The white lily: “Purity. Sweetness.” to Greenaway, “Majesty” to the other two.
• The peony: “Shame. Bashfulness.” to Greenaway and “Anger” to Dumont, for its fiery red. The RHS’s page for schools still gives bashfulness; British florists now give prosperity, good luck and a happy life (Bloom & Wild).
• The yellow chrysanthemum: “Slighted love” to Greenaway; a secret admirer to the Society of American Florists.

So a flower’s meaning is a custom, and customs differ from one book, one country and one century to the next. Even the Society of American Florists says that today there are no rules, and that the sentiment is what gives a gift its meaning.

What does each flower mean?

Here are fifteen flowers, with what the Victorian books gave them (Greenaway’s, unless another is named) and what florists and gardeners give them now.

The cherry blossom is one flower whose meaning is better taken from Japan than from Victorian Britain: there it stands for life’s brevity, and for hope and renewal (Japan National Tourism Organization).

Does the colour change the meaning?

In the old books, very often, and yellow was rarely good news:

• a yellow rose: “Decrease of love” to Greenaway, “Jealousy” to Dumont;
• a yellow tulip: “Hopeless love”;
• a yellow carnation: “Disdain”;
• a yellow chrysanthemum: “Slighted love”.

Today a yellow rose is given for friendship, by the RHS and the Society of American Florists alike, and no one is likely to read jealousy into it. Red stays the colour of love: a red tulip is a declaration of it in every list here, and to Greenaway even a red chrysanthemum says “I love”. Stripes vary: a striped carnation was a refusal, a striped tulip a compliment on beautiful eyes.

Which flowers should you think twice about?

A few flowers say something you may not mean, depending on where they are going and when.

Chrysanthemums in France and much of Europe

In France, families take chrysanthemums to the cemetery on All Saints’ Day, the first of November, to lay on graves, and the association with death is strong enough that The Local advises against giving them to anyone living. White chrysanthemums are flowers of grief elsewhere in western Europe too, in Austria and Belgium among others (Sherman Library and Gardens). In the United States, by contrast, they stand for friendship and happiness.

White flowers in East Asia

White chrysanthemums are funeral flowers in China, Japan and Korea, where they surround the photograph of the person who has died (Sherman Library and Gardens). More broadly, white flowers can mean mourning in parts of Asia, so they are a poor choice for a wedding there (Bloom & Wild).

White lilies in Britain

In Britain the white lily is a flower of funerals and sympathy, for its elegance and its meaning of purity. It is a fine choice for sympathy; for a birthday or for love, choose another flower.

White carnations on Mother’s Day

Anna Jarvis, who began Mother’s Day in the United States, gave white carnations, her mother’s favourite flower. Florists then took it up and proposed red carnations for mothers who are living and white for mothers who have died (St. James Encyclopedia of Popular Culture). For a mother living, choose pink or red.

Poppies and forget-me-nots

Red poppies are worn to remember those who died in war, after John McCrae’s poem In Flanders Fields of 1915. In Newfoundland and Labrador forget-me-nots are worn on the first of July, for the soldiers of the Royal Newfoundland Regiment who fell at Beaumont-Hamel on the first day of the Somme in 1916 (Veterans Affairs Canada). Both are tender flowers, but they carry the weight of remembrance.

Real lilies and cats

True lilies are poisonous to cats, the pollen and the water in the vase included. If they have a cat, send real flowers of another kind, or a lily on a screen.

Which flower for each occasion?

These are the flowers our book suggests for each occasion, chosen for their meanings and with the warnings above in mind:

• Birthday: sunflower, ranunculus, daisy.
• Love: rose, tulip, ranunculus, moonflower, forget-me-not, glass rose.
• Anniversary: peony, glass rose, gilded peony, moonflower, rose.
• Valentine’s Day: rose, tulip.
• Mother’s Day: carnation.
• Thank you: orchid, sunflower.
• Congratulations: cherry blossom, peony, orchid, gilded peony.
• Thinking of you: iris, forget-me-not, chrysanthemum, Himalayan blue poppy, lily of the valley, moonflower.
• Get well: lily of the valley, chrysanthemum.
• Sorry: lily of the valley, iris.
• Sympathy: white lily, forget-me-not.
• Just because: daisy, Himalayan blue poppy, cherry blossom, sunflower.

A few of the reasons:

• For love, the rose, which all three books give as love, and the red tulip, a declaration of it.
• To say sorry, no flower is agreed to mean an apology. We suggest lily of the valley, the return of happiness, or an iris, which is a message: the letter does the apologising.
• To someone who is ill, lily of the valley again, or Greenaway’s chrysanthemum, “Cheerfulness under adversity”, though not to anyone French.
• For thanks, the sunflower, adoration in old books and new.
• In sympathy, the white lily, and forget-me-nots, which say both true love and remember me.

Should the flower say it for you?

The Victorians spoke in flowers partly because some things could not be said aloud. Most of us no longer have that problem, and very few of the people we send flowers to have read Greenaway. A meaning the reader doesn’t know says nothing at all, and one they half know (a yellow rose, a chrysanthemum) can say the wrong thing.

So choose the flower for them: the one they grow, the one from your wedding, the one they once stopped to look at. Then, if its meaning is part of why you chose it, say so in your letter, in your own words.

What makes a flower mean something is rarely the flower. It is their name, a letter about something particular and, if you can, your own voice. There is more on that in our guide to digital flowers.

How do meanings work in Say It In Bloom?

Our book has eighteen flowers: fourteen from gardens and florists, and four rare blooms, two of them of our own making. Each grows on the screen from the words of its letter, so no two are alike. You can send one, or gather a posy of up to seven, each in a colour of its own.

At the writing desk, each occasion suggests its flowers first, and if you choose one that says something you may not mean, a white lily for a birthday or a chrysanthemum for love, a note beside it says so. The choice is still yours. The person you send it to sees the flower and reads your letter, not a dictionary: the meaning is whatever you write.

It costs £5 ($6 or €6), with everything included: music, your voice, their reply and delivery on the day you choose. See the occasions for the flowers, music and words that suit each one.